when lions and mice speak

one morning I asked heaven to help me. you know what it's like. the lions start roaring outside on the front lawn, and I'm in my bedroom shivering from the thought that they might eat all the mice in the basement. not to mention all the peanut butter is gone from the pantry, and all the peanut butter reserves in the basement (thanks to the mice and my mother) have been depleted. so without peanut butter and with a pride of lions waiting to eat all my mouseservants I have been worried sick all morning, and this is why I have been moved to implore from heaven some sort of help. 

well, I decided that the best thing to do is to go and buy some peanut butter and get rid of the lions along the way, because I couldn't have any more servants leave, even the ones with tiny hands. well as I exited the front door the foremost lion greeting me with a smile. I contemptuously turned my nose up at him and said, "Get thee hence." to which he said, "my good man. You are just a man. you don't stand a chance against an anthropomorphic lion like myself. for you see, as soon as I have been personified in a way that allows me to speak to you, and have the mind of a man, you seriously lack in any advantage that you might otherwise have." to which I said, "yes, I quite agree that the ability to communicate, and to do so without any artificial intelligence, is something that makes me quite uneasy. in fact you ability to speak and speak so well is the most unnerving part about you. I've met many men with knives, but the sheen of metal that they glint in the sun at me is nothing compared to the words they utter. let me put the fact behind me that you have claws and teeth, for" at this moment the man pulled out a gun and pointed it at the threatening lion "for I have a gun, and this will allow me to put you at ease that I have the upper hand." 

now, you see that the advantage came over the lion not because of the gun, but rather because he understood what the gun was, and by his ability to speak also comes with his ability to hear and understand the words which I spoke, and by him understanding my speech I had a whole arsenal of other tools to persuade the lion to leave without any conflict whatsoever. so you see how speech can produce an "understanding" if you know what I mean. 

the lion, understanding the threat, but also understanding his own advantages said, "I see that you have a gun. and you must see that I have more than one companion. You can't possibly be so foolish to think that you can kill all of us"

"and you can't be so foolish to think that your companions will accept such a utilitarian notion such as me killing some but not all of you."

for the lion by voicing his violence, now has to be held to the fact that his companions have heard his suggestion. 

but since this is a piece of writing, let's diverge and say that the lions could not speak at all, in which case they lions, without words, would have began to approach the man who had come out his door and they would proceed to attack.

but since the lions have the ability of speech there comes the complications that speech brings, and there is a prolonged bout of decisions.

I had the same kind of conflict with the mice yesterday. Had we not been able to speak with one another then there would have been a faster decision on whether or not peanut butter would be retrieved from the store. In fact the mice had told me that there was a time before speech when the mice would just go and get the peanut butter and there would be no delay by conversation. but the mice began to object to me getting more peanut butter.

"but mister gus, you can't just go out there where there are lions. you can't just put your life at risk to get more peanut butter."

"I think that I can. you have to understand that mother is upstairs throwing a fit. and if I were to stay here and not get peanut butter you would be sure that there would be a mounting conflict on our hands."

"well, then don't go on our account."

"I think I shall, seeing that I value your contribution to this household."

"well where would this household be if you were eaten by lions, mister gus."

"I suppose that it would relax into the economy just like any other establishment had or will."

"which is why we propose that you send gordon instead."

"we will not send gordon."

"but sir,"

"I'm going and that is final."

and there were more back and forth conversations, more proposals and the like, but eventually I prevailed. but I think that I am so frustrated with things speaking that it is beginning to drive me nuts. 

(I think that I will continue or start the story over by creating a situation where everything from the fridge to the front door rug begins to speak, and I will use the absurdism to work through and explore the complications of language.)