I wonder what it would be like to be illiterate, to be able to avoid a whole discourse community, to be oblivious to the signs and symbols and their meanings. I think about this experience and I then wonder if I am AM illiterate in some discourse systems that are beyond me, that have signs I am unaware of, that has meanings embedded in things that are right before my face. yet, I feel like there are times when I am aware that I am in the presence of meaning even though I do not know what the meaning it. for example, I've experienced looking at chinese characters and even though I do not know what it means, I do know that it is weighted with meaning. I like that feeling, the feeling that meaning is there even though it is beyond me, a foreboding meaning, a meaning that presses against me but is not assimilated by me, a meaning that I can feel but not touch. it's almost spiritual, that experience of feeling meaning and not being able to prove it or claim it is there. and then I wonder if this isn't what the stars do to me, what the air and this world does to me. I wonder why a walk, a simple walk in the mountains, or near a river, or in any sort of space, I wonder why I get this feeling of meaning pressing against me. In moments when I am quiet, I can feel some meaning pressing against my being. meaning pressed against being without ever coming into contact, as meaning were water and I am wrapped in cellophane, as if meaning is water in a water balloon and I am holding the water balloon and hefting it, but I never come into contact with the water.