i crawl into bed at the end of the day and happen to feel the slight fish of my daughter.s small calf . the gut of the leg . startles me more awake at the warmth and the weight . and collapsed on the bed her calf becomes heavy cupped there in my hand now I feel that i need to walk out on the road and pretend that I have her small gem in my hands . careful to cup it like water i.ve lifted straight out of a river reflecting the shadows cast by the moon . outside in a largely dark room i am searching for respite and sleep from the shock.